Every day as sports fans we turn on our TV’s, check twitter, get updates from theScore and other mediums, and somehow, someway we always stumble upon some overpaid talking head spewing nothing but absolute bullshit out of his mouth. Some of it is so ridiculous that it has to be straight trolling, but some of it these buffoons honestly believe. So today, we’ll be ranking the worst analysts on TV from “Least Sucky” to “Most Sucky”
5 – Colin Cowherd
Often referred to as Colin Cowturd, Cowherd has gained a reputation of making ridiculous claims that statistics back up, the only problem is, a lot of the time, statistics don’t actually back up his claims. The reason he’s the least sucky on this list is because while he is controversial, he has mastered talking to himself, which is why he still has a job. No one man radio/TV show is as seamless as The Herd.
4 – Skip Bayless
If we were talking about takes alone, Skip Bayless would be number 1, but he’s such an unbelievable troll that I can’t put him any higher on this list than where he is. The classic Skip Bayless shit eating grin is an absolute masterpiece but his takes are so ridiculous he has to be on the list.
3 – Will Cain
Will Cain came to the forefront of ESPN when Skip Bayless jumped over to Fox Sports to start Undisputed with Shannon Sharpe. ESPN was testing out co-hosts for Stephen A Smith and for a while, Will Cain was in that role. One thing was clear when Cain took over for the interim – he wanted desperately to be Skip Bayless, but he was as bad as impersonating Skip as everyone on earth is at impersonating Christopher Walken. His takes are flat out bad, his personality is robotic, and the sudden surge of talent having more outlets like Fox Sports, NBCSports, and Barstool, guys like Will Cain get to hang around.
2 – Max Kellerman
We used to be exposed to Kellermen on two platforms regularly; As an actually very good boxing analyst, and his role on SportsNation where it was custom to be a little out there. Then we got Kellerman as a regular on a debate show and it’s been an absolute shitfest ever since. When people make “injured back” jokes about athletes carrying an entire team, it’s usually either over exaggerated or over played, but when it comes to First Take, it’s Assa-NINE, Assa-TEN, Assa-LEVEN, Assa-TWELVE to say that Stephen A Smith should be in a wheel chair with how much he has to carry that show. He’s so good that people still watch even though Max Kellerman is so BAD. But there is one person out there worse than Max Kellerman and it’s….
1 – Rob Parker
Rob Parker is the absolute WORST. This guy not only openly hates teams, he constantly creates racial issues where there aren’t any (throwback to him calling RGIII a “cornball brotha” for marrying a white woman) hates any athlete that has a shred of greatness, has the most annoyingly nasaly voice in sports, and somehow got a job after his PR nightmare of an exit at ESPN. When it comes to guys who get paid to be terrible at their jobs, Rob Parker is #1. If there was a way to see the ratings of whatever show he appears on after he comes on screen, I’d love to see it, because no matter what I turn the channel.
How do you compare this list? Let me know how I did with my rankings and who you’d rank as your worst analysts.