*****SPOILERS ALL DAY BELOW*****
This final season has turned out to be so bad, it’s Godfather III. It probably wouldn’t have been so terrible if the previous work wasn’t so amazing. And let’s be honest. The cracks started to show up last season. Weiss and Benioff are not magicians. They’re actually mediocre writers. And without the incredible procrastinator George RR Martin to hold their hands, they’re screwed. These two guys can’t hold GRRM’s jock strap, as Bobby Hebert loves to say. We should be angry at Mr. Martin for not finishing his book series by now. But we should be even angrier at Weiss and Benioff for being delusional shitty show runners. This season is so bad, over a million people (and counting) are demanding it gets reshot.
David Benioff and D.B. Weiss’ resumes make sense now that season 8 is becoming its own new Star Wars dumpster fire. Weiss has barely written or produced anything, and Benioff hasn’t accomplished much more, but at least has some respectable accolades as a writer (The Kite Runner), but is also responsible for other garbage (X-Men Origins: Wolverine is making A LOT more sense now). Collectively, these two buffoons who grew up in the north thought it would be a cool idea to make a series of an alternate universe where the Confederacy won the Civil War. Oh. My. God. In this climate especially. They even announced it during the height of the #blacklivesmatter movement! And it’s also a ripped idea from The Man in the High Castle. These are the brains behind what we’re all witnessing now. And if you’re a guy who doesn’t fully understand what “mansplaining” is, watch ANY Inside the Episode where they explain what you JUST SAW.
So turning to Episodes 4 and 5, we were hoping to still salvage the season, but instead we watched years of delicately built plot lines and character developments disintegrate before our eyes. It all starts to get super weird in Episode 4. It’s playing out way too long with the celebrations and hookups. The forced but not so much a love triangle between Jaime, Brienne, and Tormond, comes to a head. Tormond gets bummed out, and I don’t know for sure, but is that what prompts him to abruptly head back north and stop following Jon?? And Ghost…there’s absolutely no reason to let him go, especially so cold blooded, Jon.
The poor writing continues with so many forced story lines. The Dany and Sansa rift, Euron killing Rhaegal, Jon getting his balls clipped…so much confusion. This may be the worst episode since Season 7 Episode 6: Beyond the Wall, where so many forced plot points happened – catch a wight, kill a dragon, kill the Lord of Light healer, confuse raven logistics and capabilities, Jaime has to go north, and many more. My favorite thing from that episode is all the wights falling into the water and later the dragon being pulled out from the icy water by giant chains that showed up. I like to believe that the Night King’s army has a dive team of wight specialists who can actually swim, hook up the chains to the dragon corpse, and come to surface to give a bony thumb’s up to start hauling. Mon dieu, friends…
Jaime finally hooks up with Brienne, only to show no arc, no change, fuck everyone, I gotta get to Cersei, and splits. Brienne then all but disappears from the storyline. Arya turns down Gendry, and then HE also disappears from the storyline. Two major moments in the episode don’t even get screen time. Jon’s secret being revealed to his sister/cousins should have been on camera. Missandei of Naath getting captured should have been on camera. Also, great 80’s cop death foreshadowing with the beach vacation talk with Grey Worm. She might as well said she had two days until retirement. And then there’s Euron…poor casting, poor writing, and a poor catalyst to force so many plot points. As the internet has already so aptly pointed out, how could they cheap shot snipe Rhaegal the dragon if he’s behind a small mountain where Dany can’t even see him?? Benioff and Weiss at your service!
Jon has systematically gone from awesome badass to whining, boring twit in less than a season. Why? Why do that? And with Dany apparently going all Mad Queen, the show runners have left no one interesting to rule the Iron Throne. And in Episode 5, we continue to see confusing character conflicts, poor writing, and too much focus on side stories like the Clegane family finale. Cool, I guess, but why does that get so much screen time? Why does Arya running from carnage get so much screen time? And why did Arya go from ninja assassin to straight up fighter? And why was she so easily swayed by The Hound after 7 seasons of bloodlust??
My head exploded like in Scanners after watching Episode 5. Why is Drogon so unstoppable suddenly?? Did Euron really just swim MILES to conveniently walk up on shore as Jaime passed?? Was this really even a developed feud that had to happen?? Is this the worst one on one fight of the entire series?? Where is Bron in all of this?? How useless has Tyrion become?? Did Varys really need to die and with no last words even?? Is death by Drogon the only death sentence?? Is there even an Iron Throne left?? Is this season really happening??!?!
I could go on forever like any of the fan base, but this is where I throw in the towel. At this point, I don’t think there’s much to salvage. Somehow get Jon’s balls back? Dany has to die now, I guess? Is Cersei still alive? Where is Sansa? Is it too much for Arya to go rogue ninja again? I give up. And you should too. Game of Thrones has become your beloved grandpa that’s terminally ill now and you are watching his slow suffering. You had great years together (Seasons 1-6), that year the cancer was discovered (Season 7), and that final year on hospice care where the family was rushing to get his affairs in order before he died (Season 8). I love you grandpa. One more episode left until the long night. I don’t know about you, but I still can’t wait to tune in tonight!
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