Yep… A Game of Thrones Series Finale Recap

And now they REALLY don’t give a fuck

Yep…that’s about right for the way this whole season has gone. The Dany Starbucks cup was funny and could be viewed as an accident. But TWO goofs in one season of a show that had no modern real world Easter eggs until now sums it all up: no one gave a fuck anymore. The local store was all out of fucks, so they had none to give out. Thus this finale was par for the course of season 8. And the fact that the show runners took extra time to prepare this season, gave less episodes the last two seasons, and yet STILL couldn’t put together a plausible storyline nor coherency is astounding. No wonder over a million people have signed a petition to remake the last season again (which is a fruitless effort by the way unless you therapeutically feel better after signing). Benioff and Weiss couldn’t even fill these lesser episodes with interesting content. So much useless filler. Too much focus on side plots while glossing over key points to main series story lines. So much has been squandered. And all of our time wasted. Let’s dive in!

I’m so hot for my nephew lover after annihilation

The end of the Daenerys storyline is as anticlimactic and uninteresting as her weakly explained character turn. There’s so much vague info that got dropped on us the last two seasons, but especially this season. To this example, the show runners and actress Emilia Clarke insist that the writing has been on the wall (pun intended?), but unlike all the examples of great lead ups in this series, this isn’t one of them. This is a rushed, poorly explained character turn that sort of arcs the entirety of season 8’s failures. Investing a lot more into Dany’s delusional state could’ve saved a lot of this final season.

While we’re on the subject of the now Mad Queen, I’d like to take a moment and pay homage to her absolutely fabulous hair, makeup, and costumes team that has never been seen on camera. Daenerys Targaryen. Not Emilia Clarke. You see, Sansa, Cersei, and anyone else really has their handmaidens and such in the castle homes. This girl has been on the road for years, essentially, and has always looked her best. She always seemed to know when to wear her white or black ensembles to help with her symbolism at the time even though she apparently has just been a delusional maniac this whole time.

It’s gotta be hard to look this good when your girl is always on the go.

Another example that could’ve been expanded a lot more and would’ve helped this final season is the history between Bran and the Night King. Did any of us know before this season that the Night King’s goal was to destroy the memories and history of mankind by killing the Three-Eyed Raven?? Was that apparent to anyone before season 8?? And when he said it, it was almost a throwaway line! Stretching that out and developing it more may have helped us placate Bran becoming king.

Bran’s reaction of being suggested to be king was almost from a point of smugness. No wonder the little shit has been so quiet lately. He knew he would be king. Not to break anyone’s brains, but here’s where I have a major problem with Bran’s Three-Eyed Raven character since rejoining everyone: The Three-Eyed Raven is an observer and witness to the events of mankind. Bran’s Three-Eyed Raven is amongst mankind and the events that are unfolding the last two seasons. He is present and involved, which means what he says or doesn’t say can affect outcomes. He had to know that by not saying anything and letting the events play out, he would be king. Just as he knew what would happen when he told Jon the truth about his past. All of this means that he made choices and affected outcomes which means he allowed people to die in regards to this narrative’s outcome. He could have stopped dragons from dying, had mortal armies two steps ahead of the Night King, warned about Dany, etc etc. So he’s a prick. He’ll be a great ruler.

Creepy Bran??? KING?!?!? Laaaaaaaaaaame

Once again, we got systematically disappointed by story arc completions except this time it’s for good. I love that there was no Inside the Episode that followed the finale. Ironically, the one episode that perhaps needed the most explanation gets none. Dave, D.B., I tip my hat to you. Well played. Cersei dies in the most uninteresting fashion possible, virtually no comeuppance. Sansa tells Bran the North can’t bend the knee anymore, and yet the final shot of her is getting crowned around a bunch of people bending the knee to her. Sam apparently rightfully inherits his family’s lands and then some to be on that counsel, but gives it all up to be the maester of Kings Landing? Tyrion’s punishment is having to continue to be the hand of the king? Grey Worm, bitter, takes the Unsullied and quietly leaves and sails to Naath…and how many Unsullied are left exactly? The rank and file shot when Daenerys was speaking to them still looked like a thousand or so. I’m sure Naath is gonna looooove a thousand poor eunuch soldiers showing up to hang. And the Dothraki? I thought they were all but exterminated after the Battle of Winterfell, but suddenly their numbers were back to 500+ on horseback. Where the fuck did they go? Back to Essos?? If so, on whose boats and whose dime? And then there’s Arya…so no one has ever bothered to map nor explore west of Westeros?? Fuck you, David Benioff. I know that bullshit came from you.

Arya: What’s west of Westeros?

Jon: You coming back?

Arya: Nope.

Jon: Never?

Arya: Never.

Jon: Like never ever? Not even in 10 years??

Arya: Nope.

Jon: Like, what if there’s nothing there, and you have to come back this way?

Arya: Nope. Never.

Jon: So like, what if you haven’t found land, and the ship captain said that unless you turn back now, there won’t be enough food or water to make it back?

Arya: Nope. Never.

Jon: Huh…Well Ok bye!

I can’t wait to watch with my kids

The two storylines that we could kind of see played out appropriately were Edmure Tully and Robyn Arryn. Those guys looked like they ended up exactly how and where you would guess. Clap your hands for the show runners because the two best character completions were the ones they hadn’t touched in a season or longer. Good job, lads.

Jon’s internal conflict could not have been handled more poorly. It was like a masterful execution of failure. He sees the same charred child hand holding that horsey toy (very convenient to run into in a razed city formerly of a million people). He is obviously nervous during Dany’s speech where she goes off on her poorly explained “destroying the wheel”, “liberating”, nonsense. Tyrion throws his “hand of the king” pin down, and he gets arrested. I would have loved it if he shouted, “Too bad you can’t imprison me since you destroyed all the dungeons. Am I right??” Jon goes to visit him in whatever room he’s in (a kitchen?) and Tyrion urges him to kill Dany. Their talking pretty openly, so I guess we are all to assume the guards don’t speak English. Because when Jon goes to Dany in the throne room, THERE ARE NO GUARDS IN SIGHT!! NO ONE!!

Daenerys certainly didn’t play off to me as insane, but kill her anyway. It was the only choice because they’re out of episodes. Then once again, we get no info, only a line from Tyrion referring to being held for “weeks” to understand what’s going on. We don’t get Jon’s explanation, capture or surrender, where Dany’s body went, Grey Worm’s reaction to the last thing he had now being gone, nothing. Nothing but this dumb council with Sam’s dumb suggestion about something called “democracy”. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh good one, Sam. Oh, let the people decide. That’s rich. And ultimately, Jon’s punishment is back to being a Snow, back at the Wall where there are no issues anymore, where he can live out with the Free Folk and Ghost, who should’ve given him a giant diss. At least we have a happy ending. I have to stop now. My fingers are tired. RIP Game of Thrones!

They grow up so fast, don’t they? Cheers, everyone!

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