5 Things We Desperately Need This NFL Season

Here we go folks, we’re officially out of basketball season and headed towards football season, the best time of year. It’s not the best time of year because basketball is over, but it means we’re almost to fall, which is the best *actual* season, no debate to be had. Sundays are back to normal, gambling will be at an all time high, and you’ll get your monies worth with that new couch you just bought. But what should we look forward to this NFL season? The unknown. What do we NEED? Keep reading.

5. A Bears/Packers Snow Game
I’m absolutely sick of the lack of snow games as of late, thanks global warming, but no matter who plays in the snow, there are only really two teams who know how to put on a show in the snow and thats the Packers and Bears. Every time they meet, either in Chicago or Green Bay, if the frozen water is falling, you know you’re in for a treat.

There are a number of reasons why as well. For one, their uniforms were made for snow. They look so fucking gritty out there in the frozen mud, gives me a half chub every time. Also, more likely than not you’re going to get an Aaron Rodgers miracle, which personally I don’t look forward to because he’s the most overrated QB in the league, but there is something about a walk off in the snow and I just don’t know if Mitch Trubisky has it in him. Also, for all you hardcore football historians….THE RUN GAME. Snow games were meant for running backs and tight ends. They thrive, which means our fantasy players thrive, and Jordan Howard vs Aaron Jones would be a fantastic running back battle this season.

Fingers crossed, Al Gore. Let’s get some powder in the NFC North.

4. LeVeon Bell and Antonio Brown to go the fuck off
If it weren’t for Kareem Hunt and Tyreek Hill knocking out girls like the UFC Women’s division, Bell and Brown would’ve taken the cake for biggest drama by a WR/RB duo in the league. Bell held out, Brown acted like a bitch, and while it would be fun to watch them fail, it would be even more fun to watch the former Steelers’ stars go off on their new teams.

Bell should bring back a sense of running that Curtis Martin brought the Jets all those years ago and Al Davis is smiling up in heaven that his franchise was able to lock down another speedy receiver to go with a mediocre quarterback.

For fantasy owners and Raiders/Jets fans alike, be very cautious – the excitement is real, but the payoff may not be worth it.

3. The Cleveland Browns to win the AFC North
It’s been a long time coming, too long perhaps, for the Browns to be relevant. They had that one stretch with Peyton Hillis, the one year wonder, but other than that they’ve teetered on mediocre to plain old shit of the league for much of their entire history. However, they boast an incredible fan base despite their permanent stay in purgatory, so those crazy, self loathing son of a bitches deserve something nice and why not that be to win the AFC North?

Last season, after firing Hue Jackson, the Browns had the BEST offense in football. The emergence of #1 pick Baker Mayfield, Jarvis Landry, and Nick Chubb gave life to the city of Cleveland the year LeBron left them high and dry again, and now they’ve added one of the most dynamic players in the NFL in Odell Beckham Jr. With the Bengals, Steelers and Ravens all looking pretty weak, this is a great year for the Browns to cash in on all that bad luck.

2. Roger Goodell to attend a Saints game Live
Nothing makes me happier than watching Roger Goodell squirm. The shittiest commissioner in sports needs his day in court and that day needs to be in the Superdome. He needs to face the jazz that New Orleans has waiting for him after the worst call in football history.

He stayed away from Foxboro after Deflategate for 2 seasons before he showed face their again, and I don’t expect him to go to New Orleans, but I, you, we – need him to.

Aug 22, 2015; New Orleans, LA, USA; New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (12) talks to New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees (9) following a preseason game at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. The Patriots defeated the Saints 26-24. Mandatory Credit: Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

1 – Tom Brady and Drew Brees to meet in the Super Bowl
It was the matchup we all wanted last season and should have gotten last season, and though I thought TFB was going to call it quits after #6, he came back with something to prove, as did Breesus.

Now, neither of them REALLY have anything to prove. They’re 2 of the greatest who ever played the game, though throughout this past decade, the argument has been made that Brees is better than Brady, Brady just has the rings.  His stat line has been ridiculous his entire career, eclipsing the 5,000 yard-40TD mark multiple times at record setting pace, but he hasn’t had the playoff success(or luck) to pad his resume. Brady had a decade long stretch of coming up short between his 3rd Super Bowl and 4th.  Since then, he’s run through the AFC 4 more times, capturing 3 more titles, with two of them including legendary 4th quarter comebacks.

When this generations quarterback discussions will be had when it’s all said and done, there are 3 with arguments to be made as to who is the best – Brady, Manning, Brees. Since two of those are playing on contending teams, seeing them square off one last time before they call it quits is necessary. If Brees is able to beat Brady’s Patriots, he would have knocked off the other 2 quarterbacks in the Super Bowl boosting his resume to heights that would put him only behind Tom Brady on the all time list.

Obviously fans of any team not on this list are going to be a little butthurt, but don’t worry Chargers fans, you’ll be just good enough to have hope and not good enough to do anything with it. Same as always.


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